So as some of you might have read, my parents were not amused, when I started to correct them misgendering me (Quick recap: My mother told me “You cant expect us to get used to this [new Name/pronouns] for those few times you visit”
This kicked me finally over the edge. I planned on staying until the end of the first week of January. Now I am leaving tomorrow (I am helping a friend out which was planned, but I will not return to my parents which was not originally planned). I told them today, that I will not come back and that they are the reason. I told them, that I expect them to call me the right name/pronouns and that my motivation to come back to them as long as this does not happen is relatively low. I told them, that this is the basic level of human respect that I am expecting. I am not expecting anything else, but I am not accepting anything below that.
How did they respond to that? They did not get anything I was trying to say. They told me, that “they need time to adjust”, while not making a single fucking move that even hinted that they are adjusting. Yes I did just tell them my name 4 weeks ago. They still had 7 fucking months to get used to the idea of me being trans. They did not do anything except watching horrible videos of detransitioners. They told me the most transphobic bullshit ever right to my face. If it wouldnt have been my parents i would have ended prior discussions about this after 3 fucking sentences. 4 weeks + additional 6 months of you doing nothing and not even trying and you are telling me that you need more time. They even dared themselves to talk about tolerance and said I should be glad, that they were “tolerant” enough to not kick me out like other parents do. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? You dare to say I should be glad, that you are not completely heartless monsters? This bar is so incredibly low and you are using this as a comparison?
Nothing of this would have happened if they even showed the smallest amount of effort. I did not want to do anything of this. While our relationship has always been a bit tricky i still kind of liked them and enjoyed staying there to a certain extent. I do not want to cut them out, but I am not willing to give them a free pass for endlessly deadnaming/misgendering me.
I am so fucking angry and sad at the same time. Probably gonna cry myself to sleep now or something like that.
Edit: guess who only slept 4h at maximum.
Edit 2: So since yesterday evening my dad wrote me 3 Messages (each on its own is like a half book) talking a whole lot about how much he worked, so that his children will have it better than him, and that he does not want to loose me. About 5 minutes before I left today he called me and said, that I can take as much money as I need from them if I just come back and then started crying. Ending the call while your own dad Cry’s on the phone felt brutal. My dad has been through a lot, so it takes quite a lot to make this man cry. What this shows to me is, that they are finally realising, that its getting serious. This also shows to me, that not all hope is lost.


Saying this after you told them you were leaving and not coming back is like a manager saying “you’re lucky I don’t fire you for this” after an employee hands in their resignation.
I quit a job in part because they started edging the line of ethics every day, and I reached a point where any day I could be asked to do something unethical, and not wanting to be put in that position, I decided to quit without giving advanced notice, just an email one night where I highlighted reasons for it.
The HR guy emailed back, accepting my resignation, but included a dig that it was “also unethical” to leave without giving 2 weeks notice. 😂 Dude, 2 weeks is a courtesy. If the company had responded to issues earlier, perhaps I would’ve considered staying another 2 weeks. But we were being asked to do things that may even have been illegal, and I was not about to stick around until something went wrong.
Well, Im still financially dependend on them and I am willing to come back any time, but not if they not respect the most basic thing of my personality.
As long as they’ve got that leverage over you, they’re likely not going to change as quickly as you’d like - if at all. Be aware of this fact…
Hard truth here.
AS soon as you can, jump from being dependent on them. Yes, it’s gonna blow donkey balls and be miserable for a few years, until you get your working/adult feet under you, but the sooner you cut that cord the better you will be.
In the long run, you’ll be glad you moved on with your adult life and gained financial independence.
The other thing, is that as you step into your new life and you’re in the hustle of making money and scratching out a life - the angst over your folks will fade into the background. You’re gonna be so busy making ends meet you won’t have time or energy for parental drama.
God’s honest on that.
The first steps out into independence are the hardest. Grit your teeth and leap.
You’ve got more strength than you know… you got this.