Seriously. It’s kinda hitting hard right now.
I guess I’ve always had body image issues; I think the whole going through male puberty thing does that. But they’ve really started getting bad this week.
I’ve kind of gotten past the whole comparing myself to AFAB people thing, because I want to have a realistic mindset about transitioning. I guess that’s how I logic’d my way out of this feeling until now.
This is going to sound ridiculous, but I saw a trans woman earlier this week with just an amazing figure. Historically, I’m bisexual; So I have, like, feelings toward women, dude. But instead of any type of attraction, all I felt was a deep sense of never being able to make it to the point where she’s gotten. Of never being beautiful.
Which is probably a load of baloney, but what’s the difference between never being beautiful and never feeling beautiful?
I’m not in a state where I’m spiraling, but I do feel a little bit like a teenage girl and I’m frustrated that I’m not able to get past this. Obviously, I’m self-critical as hell. Ya’ll have any experience/advice you can share?
EDIT: I’m so sorry, I should have prefaced with this. I’m married and I have a super supportive wife who makes me feel loved every day. I’m not like in a super dark place. But that doesn’t stop the body image issues. I guess I don’t necessarily trust her, or even other people, when they say I look good? This may just need hella therapy.
This is really great advice.
I would add that I think it’s actually harmful to compare yourself to other people. I told an (amazing) boss of mine that I was comparing myself to other people and she said “aaah, the old ‘compare and despair.’”
Her putting it so plainly made me realize that you literally can’t compare yourself accurately with other people. You can only compare you to your previous self.
The other quote I think about a lot is from Theolonious Monk, who said “a genius is the one most like himself.” Replace “himself” with any other pronoun and it’s just as true.