Hello,
Today I am pleased to announce the beginning of a new trans/NB oriented Ethically Non-Monogamous community here on Blahaj.
Goal is to have a safe place for trans people who are ENM to post about ENM, interest in ENM or about their ENM relationships. If you have any questions about ENM etc feel free to check out [email protected]
Thank you
is it just me or does “ethical non monogamy” just sound like we’re trying to appeal to the straights? like saying “nooo trust us we’re not the bad gays we’re not cheaters”. like it’s any of their business what I do in my relationships.
I know loads of straight people who are in ENM relationships, who self describe it as ENM. It’s just the term used :)
I’ve met plenty of cishet folks that practice ethical non-monogamy? Straight as heck swinger parties come under that umbrella too. It’s just a more over-arching term than polyamory. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut
does polyamory imply non-monogamy (ethical or not), or is ENM and polyamory the same thing?
also congrats on a new community!
ENM is a more broad umbrella term, whereas polyamory is focused specifically on having multiple close romantic relationships (as I understand it, anyway). ENM also includes exclusively sexual relationships or other types of non-monogamy like relationship anarchy. So, polyamory is just a subset of ENM.
Non-ethical non-monogamy is generally just called “cheating” (or manipulation, or abuse) regardless of what the person perpetrating it calls it.
hm, maybe my confusion stems from not understanding a meaning of non-monogamy that isn’t just “multiple sexual partners” … what is relationship anarchy and it’s relationship to ENM and polyamory?
any good resources or books you recommend for me to educate myself?
Asexuality, and romantic attraction are also part of many relationships. Romantic and intimate, but not necesarily sexual.
what is relationship anarchy and it’s relationship to ENM and polyamory?
ENM is an umbrella term. Similar to how “gender diverse” includes not just trans folk, but anyone whose experience of gender is outside of cis norms.
In this case, ENM is an umbrella term for ethical relationships outside of the monogamistic norms of society.
Relationship anarchy is a way of viewing relationships that doesn’t focus on trying to name or define the specific type of relationship. People within it connect with each other in consensual ways, on their own terms, often in defiance of cultural norms and assumptions.
Polyamory is a more tradition “partner with partner” approach to relationshps, but with one or more partners in the relationship being open to having more than one partner themselves.
What they all have in common is a strong focus on consent, communication and respect for boundaries. (That’s the ethical part). Other than that, they can be platonic, sexual, romantic or any combination of the above. Relationships even outside of those are part of the framework as well. Your partners partner may not be your own partner, and may not even be your friend, but your shared experience with the same partner means that your relationships impact each other, even though you don’t share a direct relationship.
We don’t agree with that definition of Relationship Anarchy completely.
Hi, we’re relationship anarchists and instead for us it’s more about not basing our relationships on what society thinks they should be. We can have labels but they’re not automatic and don’t necessarily mean much, what matters more is what we agree upon those labels mean, ignoring what society etc defines them as.
We also don’t agree with hierarchy at all in relationships, this means that friends are not less or more important than partners and vice versa, and one partner is not more important than another. Instead we tend to go for temporary priorities but nobody is overall more important than anybody else.
It can work for either those who are polyamorous or monogamous as well as long as the comitment of no hierarchy and not basing your relationships on predefined ideas of what they should be or look like.
On the polyamory side it tends not to fit with hierarchical polyamory (hopefully obviously), so it’s more towards the solo polyamory or non hierarchical polyamory end.
We tend not to go for the relationship escalator, nor pushing each other into things etc, instead it is very consensual, unlike other relationship types, everything is discussed and consented to, and if it isn’t it doesn’t happen.
There’s a manifesto written by Andie Nordgren who popularised it: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/andie-nordgren-the-short-instructional-manifesto-for-relationship-anarchy
There’s also this site: https://relationship-anarchy.com/ and the youtube channel AnRel (Anarcho Relating) that explains all this more in depth.
But yes, the labels thing isn’t really much to do with it. Instead it’s more about defining our own relationships as we want to, not how others want us to.
We also don’t agree with hierarchy at all in relationships, this means that friends are not less or more important than partners and vice versa, amd one partner is not more important than another. Instead we tend to go for temporary priorities but nobody is overall more important than anybody else.
Yeah, my understanding of relationship anarchy is that it is principally about the lack of hierarchy.
We tend not to go for the relationship escalator, nor pushing each other into things etc, instead it is very consensual, unlike other relationship types, everything is discussed and consented to, and if it isn’t it doesn’t happen.
I don’t think you’re being very fair here. I have seen people in all styles of relationship get this wrong, similarly for getting it right. I think this is the way it should work no matter how your relationship is negotiated.
I don’t think you’re being very fair here.
Yeah, that’s uh, fair. We guess a better way to put it is more than any other way of relating it is supposed to be that way, other relationship types are not inherently set up that way nor have that as an inherent guideline, is that okay?
Yeah, that seems more accurate to me. It does seem to be prioritised a lot within relationship anarchy.
Awesome! I’m looking forward to this new board.
Yay the FFP!
AWESOME! :)
