Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian

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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:

Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.

That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.

Habits are things that they do without thinking.

They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.

That system…which I lack.

Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.

Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,

It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.

It never gets easier.

Just more familiar.

It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.

I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.

Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.

I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.

And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?

ON TIME?

  • SighBapanada@lemmy.ca
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    1 year ago

    Damn as a neurotypical person reading this it blows my mind. Yes, my habits are absolutely automatic, to the point I daydream through them. Am I just misunderstanding something or are you saying every adhd person struggles to form habits?

    • Reyali@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Thanks for speaking to the other side, because that’s so hard to believe. I don’t know about everyone with ADHD, but it definitely seems to be a common shared experience. The only habits I do completely without thinking are a) putting my seatbelt on in the car, and b) picking my phone up like 100 times a day. Anything bigger, even something like eating, is something I have to will myself to do.

      And when I’m trying to form a “habit,” like certain types of note taking or task planning at work, no matter how effective it is and how much I like it, I never manage to do it more than about 3 weeks before my brain just completely shuts off that pathway and it’s like I forget that process exists altogether.

      If I don’t put my meds on my nightstand AND have a reminder on my phone, I will forget them most of the time. Daily activity, takes almost no brain power, and it still doesn’t trigger in my head as something I need to do unless I physically see it.

    • Prandom_returns@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Jesus, that’s insane. Either I have 0 habits, or OP is right. Everything I do, I do “manually” , and have to put effort and thought into it.

  • HaunchesTV@feddit.uk
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    1 year ago

    Uh… No. This suggests that NTs act like drones, without any thought. Like they’re sitting on the sofa, then they just get up, wander to the bathroom, brush their teeth, then get into bed and think “wow how did I get here hahaha what a habit, eh?”

    ADHD is many things but it ain’t this.

    • tinawebmom @lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      For me it is this. When I was married he didn’t understand when I would request reminders to go to the bathroom, shower, eat, do laundry. He laughed. He thought I had dementia.

      Nope just adhd with a swiss cheese memory.

    • RedNeedle@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      ND is the new introverted.

      Only introverts think deeply, get anxious, or enjoy academic pursuits. Do you have a counterexample? Oh, well that person just doesn’t know they’re an introvert, so the pattern still holds!

      Same with ND/NT. Nobody is neurotypical according to this definition because everyone has something they struggle with or are quirky about.