The last D is for disorder. If you have ADHD, it’s not cute and relatable, it’s making your life worse to the point of needing to be addressed. Everybody having “a little ADHD” is a way of trivializing the level of actual problems that are required for it to be called a disorder.
Yes. I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 30s. By then I had already spent my entire life hating myself for being an utter failure because I couldn’t figure out why just having a simple existence felt like trying to climb Mount fucking Everest every goddamn day and why my brain always feels like scrambled eggs. I’ve been passively suicidal most of my life because even as a kid the adults in my life openly compared me to my peers and found me sorely lacking, and as an adult I mourn the life I want and can’t seem to achieve. I feel like my entire existence has been me throwing myself at the bars of a giant cage labelled ADHD and I can’t get myself out or find the key and people come stand outside the door and watch me and say things like “everyone has focus issues” and “you just need to try harder” and my personal fucking favorite “nothing in your brain is impossible to fix if you’re willing to put in the effort, you just are unwilling to change”.
My ADHD has taken everything from me. I have no friends, not even online, I’ve dropped out of school multiple times, I struggle at work, I struggle to emotionally regulate, I’ve only ever had two relationships and I was dumped by text from the person I was married to and ghosted from the other.
I actually have an okay paying job now, but I fully expect I will die alone and broke because the chances of me ever being able to keep a career that pays well enough to stay ahead in this economy are slim to none. I have no idea how to make or keep friends, and I can’t bear the thought of getting attached to someone else only to get ghosted again.
I’d do anything to not have ADHD. Sure I’ll laugh and make ADHD jokes with everyone else, but my life would be so different if my brain would fucking work (or if I would have been diagnosed sooner and learned coping mechanisms and self love sooner).
The mourning for what could have been, that’s a heavy weight. And the shame of not being enough for others expectations. I’ve been very lucky in that I found something to study with enough structure and novelty that got me through college, but it was not what I started out with. I didn’t even realize about the ADHD until the depression got bad enough to seek help in my 30s (after a year of not working and somebody helping me to make my first appointment) and the psych noticed all my coping mechanisms fit. She got me assessed and medicated. That came with its own challenges, but it made a world of difference in my relationships, my hobbies, self care, etc. That would be my biggest recommendation if you’re not already, to get on meds (also, apologies if you’re just looking to vent and not for advice). It won’t fix everything or give you back what you’ve lost, but it can make things more manageable. And if you’re like so many others that can’t afford to seek professional help, then many find some relief with nicotine and caffeine.
Thanks, it’s good to be heard. I am medicated, but that only gets me from completely nonfunctional to nail biting my way through life. Unfortunately I’m not able to use caffeine either, low amounts are ok, but anything more than a cup of tea leaves me extremely depressed, tired, and physically ill. After a lot of research (actually reading academic papers, not YouTube, lol) I’ve just started cautiously experimenting with micro dosing and it could very well be the placebo effect, but it seems to be working a little better than my meds. Of course it’s illegal as all hell where I am and if I get caught I can kiss my job goodbye forever.
This is the correct answer and I feel it’s very important to emphasize this point. You can have “symptoms” of whatever the fuck, but in order for it to be considered a disorder, it must disrupt your life in some way. I usually lean more into the camp of just trying to be supportive of people when they speak about mental health disorders, but there are definitely those kids out there self-diagnosing disorders like they’re collecting pokemon. As someone who legitimately has been diagnosed with multiple disorders by actual licensed psychological professionals, it’s aggravating to see those kids infantilize mental health in that capacity, where it perpetuates the already uphill battle for many of us to be taken seriously in the first place. ADHD has absolutely ruined my life and I would absolutely(in a hypothetical) take a relatively high chance of death at “curing” my ADHD without a single hesitation. Life is hard enough with all these fucking disorders, definitely don’t need the added burden of always feeling like I have to prove that I really am that fucked up.
Fucking spot on. I feel this way about most of my disorders, except ASD. My ASD is a part of me, though it does have its downsides.
The ADHD is the most significant, though. If I could just remove this anchor from my brain, my quality of life would skyrocket. I don’t find it a “superpower” at all. I am not exaggerating when I say that it has stolen my childhood and early adulthood, and from the outside it looks like laziness or a lack of discipline. Solidarity.
There’s an element at play here that communicates an issue with how society treats you. I would argue that ADHD just by the curiosity and random attention it can focus on spawns an interesting idea of creativity in being drawn by and interested in all sorts of ideas that may have no overlap.
To be fair, with the amount of shit bombarded in your face with a dozen devices, everything fighting for your attention including ads on your vehicle infotainment, there is a zero chance that most people havent developed some sort of ADHD, whether clinically diagnosed or not. Disorders evolved also.
Try sitting in a room for 10-15 minutes and do absolutely nothing, just sit with your thoughts. I’m willing to bet most people can’t.
As someone diagnosed with ADHD, I can easily sit quietly in a room with my own thoughts for 20+ minutes.
What I can’t seem to do is make the two simple phone calls I need to make and write the one page report that I need to write before the end of the week. That’s literally all I need to do today, I’ve been at my desk for two hours and have done none of it. If I got that done now, I could coast the rest of my work day but instead I’m going to sit here and stress for a few more hours before I finally do any of it. Why? I can’t tell you because I don’t know.
The symptoms of ADHD happen to be things all people deal with. The inability to pay attention to things, or the restlessness of a quiet room are universal experiences. In that part you are kind of right. However ADHD specifically refers to the actual clinical deficit in executive function representing a chemical difference in the brain. Saying “Everyone has a little ADHD” is just a condescending way to put it. Different people may have different levels of annoyance with the phrase.
Everyone gets sad, not everyone has depression.
Everyone worries, not everyone has General Anxiety Disorder.
Everyone has pains sometimes, not everyone has Chronic Pain.
The sentiment isnt necessarily wrong, and the colloquial meaning still comes across, but it’s just degrading to hear. I hate hearing someone call out a disorder as one of their quirks as much as the next guy, but more than being mildly annoying it can stand to change the perception of the thing in the public consciousness enough that someone that has a disorder might believe they are just making a big deal out of something that “everyone” deals with. Whether intended or not just keep that in mind.
(TLDR I have ADHD please don’t minimize it by saying stuff like “lol computers destroy attention span”, you’re not wrong, just condescending.)
Christ, that is a trite oversimplification or complete misunderstanding. ADHD includes worse outcomes in employment (lower wages, difficulty keeping jobs), relationships (impulsivity can lead to anything from speaking before processing to forgetting plans to seeking out more stimulating things in lieu of relationships), health (higher rates of car accidents, higher use of recreational drugs, difficulty with self care), and a bunch of other things. It doesn’t “develop” over time from looking at your phone. Please please please do some actual reading of things by experts in the field on it before saying this sort of thing again.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, either you’re born with it or you’re not. Sure, lots of things fight for our attention and that probably affects us in some way, but distractability isn’t the same thing as ADHD. It’s primarily a regulation disorder rather than ‘can’t focus disease’. Where I think you bring up a good point in a mechanism that probably reveals ADHD in some people, I would definitely give pushback on what appears to be a suggestion that the advertising industry as it exists causes ADHD. I don’t think any serious psychological professional would make that assertion.
The last D is for disorder. If you have ADHD, it’s not cute and relatable, it’s making your life worse to the point of needing to be addressed. Everybody having “a little ADHD” is a way of trivializing the level of actual problems that are required for it to be called a disorder.
Yes. I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 30s. By then I had already spent my entire life hating myself for being an utter failure because I couldn’t figure out why just having a simple existence felt like trying to climb Mount fucking Everest every goddamn day and why my brain always feels like scrambled eggs. I’ve been passively suicidal most of my life because even as a kid the adults in my life openly compared me to my peers and found me sorely lacking, and as an adult I mourn the life I want and can’t seem to achieve. I feel like my entire existence has been me throwing myself at the bars of a giant cage labelled ADHD and I can’t get myself out or find the key and people come stand outside the door and watch me and say things like “everyone has focus issues” and “you just need to try harder” and my personal fucking favorite “nothing in your brain is impossible to fix if you’re willing to put in the effort, you just are unwilling to change”.
My ADHD has taken everything from me. I have no friends, not even online, I’ve dropped out of school multiple times, I struggle at work, I struggle to emotionally regulate, I’ve only ever had two relationships and I was dumped by text from the person I was married to and ghosted from the other.
I actually have an okay paying job now, but I fully expect I will die alone and broke because the chances of me ever being able to keep a career that pays well enough to stay ahead in this economy are slim to none. I have no idea how to make or keep friends, and I can’t bear the thought of getting attached to someone else only to get ghosted again.
I’d do anything to not have ADHD. Sure I’ll laugh and make ADHD jokes with everyone else, but my life would be so different if my brain would fucking work (or if I would have been diagnosed sooner and learned coping mechanisms and self love sooner).
The mourning for what could have been, that’s a heavy weight. And the shame of not being enough for others expectations. I’ve been very lucky in that I found something to study with enough structure and novelty that got me through college, but it was not what I started out with. I didn’t even realize about the ADHD until the depression got bad enough to seek help in my 30s (after a year of not working and somebody helping me to make my first appointment) and the psych noticed all my coping mechanisms fit. She got me assessed and medicated. That came with its own challenges, but it made a world of difference in my relationships, my hobbies, self care, etc. That would be my biggest recommendation if you’re not already, to get on meds (also, apologies if you’re just looking to vent and not for advice). It won’t fix everything or give you back what you’ve lost, but it can make things more manageable. And if you’re like so many others that can’t afford to seek professional help, then many find some relief with nicotine and caffeine.
Thanks, it’s good to be heard. I am medicated, but that only gets me from completely nonfunctional to nail biting my way through life. Unfortunately I’m not able to use caffeine either, low amounts are ok, but anything more than a cup of tea leaves me extremely depressed, tired, and physically ill. After a lot of research (actually reading academic papers, not YouTube, lol) I’ve just started cautiously experimenting with micro dosing and it could very well be the placebo effect, but it seems to be working a little better than my meds. Of course it’s illegal as all hell where I am and if I get caught I can kiss my job goodbye forever.
This is the correct answer and I feel it’s very important to emphasize this point. You can have “symptoms” of whatever the fuck, but in order for it to be considered a disorder, it must disrupt your life in some way. I usually lean more into the camp of just trying to be supportive of people when they speak about mental health disorders, but there are definitely those kids out there self-diagnosing disorders like they’re collecting pokemon. As someone who legitimately has been diagnosed with multiple disorders by actual licensed psychological professionals, it’s aggravating to see those kids infantilize mental health in that capacity, where it perpetuates the already uphill battle for many of us to be taken seriously in the first place. ADHD has absolutely ruined my life and I would absolutely(in a hypothetical) take a relatively high chance of death at “curing” my ADHD without a single hesitation. Life is hard enough with all these fucking disorders, definitely don’t need the added burden of always feeling like I have to prove that I really am that fucked up.
Fucking spot on. I feel this way about most of my disorders, except ASD. My ASD is a part of me, though it does have its downsides.
The ADHD is the most significant, though. If I could just remove this anchor from my brain, my quality of life would skyrocket. I don’t find it a “superpower” at all. I am not exaggerating when I say that it has stolen my childhood and early adulthood, and from the outside it looks like laziness or a lack of discipline. Solidarity.
There’s an element at play here that communicates an issue with how society treats you. I would argue that ADHD just by the curiosity and random attention it can focus on spawns an interesting idea of creativity in being drawn by and interested in all sorts of ideas that may have no overlap.
To be fair, with the amount of shit bombarded in your face with a dozen devices, everything fighting for your attention including ads on your vehicle infotainment, there is a zero chance that most people havent developed some sort of ADHD, whether clinically diagnosed or not. Disorders evolved also.
Try sitting in a room for 10-15 minutes and do absolutely nothing, just sit with your thoughts. I’m willing to bet most people can’t.
As someone diagnosed with ADHD, I can easily sit quietly in a room with my own thoughts for 20+ minutes.
What I can’t seem to do is make the two simple phone calls I need to make and write the one page report that I need to write before the end of the week. That’s literally all I need to do today, I’ve been at my desk for two hours and have done none of it. If I got that done now, I could coast the rest of my work day but instead I’m going to sit here and stress for a few more hours before I finally do any of it. Why? I can’t tell you because I don’t know.
The symptoms of ADHD happen to be things all people deal with. The inability to pay attention to things, or the restlessness of a quiet room are universal experiences. In that part you are kind of right. However ADHD specifically refers to the actual clinical deficit in executive function representing a chemical difference in the brain. Saying “Everyone has a little ADHD” is just a condescending way to put it. Different people may have different levels of annoyance with the phrase.
Everyone gets sad, not everyone has depression. Everyone worries, not everyone has General Anxiety Disorder. Everyone has pains sometimes, not everyone has Chronic Pain.
The sentiment isnt necessarily wrong, and the colloquial meaning still comes across, but it’s just degrading to hear. I hate hearing someone call out a disorder as one of their quirks as much as the next guy, but more than being mildly annoying it can stand to change the perception of the thing in the public consciousness enough that someone that has a disorder might believe they are just making a big deal out of something that “everyone” deals with. Whether intended or not just keep that in mind.
(TLDR I have ADHD please don’t minimize it by saying stuff like “lol computers destroy attention span”, you’re not wrong, just condescending.)
Christ, that is a trite oversimplification or complete misunderstanding. ADHD includes worse outcomes in employment (lower wages, difficulty keeping jobs), relationships (impulsivity can lead to anything from speaking before processing to forgetting plans to seeking out more stimulating things in lieu of relationships), health (higher rates of car accidents, higher use of recreational drugs, difficulty with self care), and a bunch of other things. It doesn’t “develop” over time from looking at your phone. Please please please do some actual reading of things by experts in the field on it before saying this sort of thing again.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, either you’re born with it or you’re not. Sure, lots of things fight for our attention and that probably affects us in some way, but distractability isn’t the same thing as ADHD. It’s primarily a regulation disorder rather than ‘can’t focus disease’. Where I think you bring up a good point in a mechanism that probably reveals ADHD in some people, I would definitely give pushback on what appears to be a suggestion that the advertising industry as it exists causes ADHD. I don’t think any serious psychological professional would make that assertion.