I have ADHD, and my therapist has confirmed it, just like the results of ADHD tests. He isn’t bad, he greatly helps me with my depression. However, he doesn’t provide an official diagnosis nor prescribe pills.
He says it’s my trait and that I should learn to live with it. Like, take more breaks, find a motivation. Easy to say, hard to do. I can’t keep up with the strategies he suggests, and I feel like I’m not trying hard enough.
The world doesn’t wait for me. This trait is ruining my work and my routine, and it’s stealing my money and my time. I can’t start tasks, I can’t concentrate, and I can’t do anything boring or unpleasant.
For example, I can stare at a wall in the middle of a work task, with my hand over the keyboard, and lose myself in thoughts about my hobby. And I don’t give a damn at this moment about all my reminders, the absence of irritants, and so on.
Of course, sometimes I can force myself “just to do it”, but it costs a ton of energy (btw, because of my depression, I have a tiny amount of energy). It often requires a ton of luck, too.
Is this normal? Am I just complaining?
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Having a diagnosis officially opens up some doors for the world to wait for you. That’s one of the major helpful parts of having the diagnosis. It means that you are officially diagnosed with a disability, and that certain allowances would be made for you under the law (if you live in a country with such provisions).
Even without medication, that can make a world of difference and is an important factor in getting an official diagnosis.
Extra time for college or work assignments, a more flexible schedule, a private work space, noise canceling headphones, etc can be beneficial along with the coping mechanisms he’s trying to get you to develope in order to facilitate a better management of your condition.
That’s probably the conversation you should be having with this therapist. Because if he can’t legally give you a diagnosis he should put in a referral for a doctor who can. And if he can give you a diagnosis, I think he should be doing the job you pay him for.
Did you talk to the therapist about these thoughts? I’ve called out my therapist on stuff that didn’t make sense to me/questioned why they say stuff/said stuff like “this seems impossible for me” or “I don’t think I have the strength” etc. In all cases my therapist had good responses, and was able to clarify, and in the end established more trust.
are they allowed to officially diagnose you and prescribe meds? if not they might atleast be able to point you to someone who can do this.
you should also ask if they can offer behavioral therapy, which (often together with meds) can be a great help. if they cannot offer this you’d might need another therapist.
i “just dealt with it” for 3 decades, but finally getting medication has been a huge help. your therapist can’t prescribe medication, a psychiatrist has to do that. see if you can get a referral.
I’ll second this. I white knuckled my way through life for years. It sucked. Now I kind of get to choose when I don’t need the help. When I want to do some chaotic shit.
If I’m working or working on an important personal project I’m medicated. But I want to explore 50 things and try new riffs on guitar or just go wherever the day takes me? I can do a couple of days unmedicated. And it’s fun! And I have no responsibilities I’m dodging so who cares if the laundry sits on my chair for two extra days? Then it’s back to being focused and calming that trainwreck in my brain.
Like today. I had nothing going on. So I’m out here just freely flowing through life and not giving a shit. Monday I’ll need to get back on it.
Thanks for the experience. In our country, both therapists and psychiatrists can prescribe medications
It is a trait of you, but the way you describe it you are not able to deal with said trait. I do like the idea of learning to live with it, doesn’t work all the time though.
All the strategies in the world won’t help if you can’t reliably adhere to them. For example, allocating time in the future to do a task, doesn’t work if you can’t rely on actually starting and finishing that task. It’s a really powerful strategy when it works, but for me it only works since I’ve gotten medicated.
Unless your surroundings can accommodate such situations, meaning someone else picks up what you couldn’t finish for example, learning to deal with the trait probably won’t work in the long run.
You’ve gotten some good answers but I’ll add my few cents and I think it mirrors some of the other comments but maybe it’ll help hearing it in a different way. Yes, you do need to “learn to live with it”, in that, you need to be able to recognize how it affects you and those around you and you need to take action to minimize the negative effects. The recognizing and taking action part is the part that a qualified therapist, with a background in ADHD, should help you.
The Last Podcast on the Left guys have a good quote for mental health issues, “It’s not your fault but it is your problem”
Yes, you need to learn to “live with it” but your therapist should be able and willing to assist/support you in that. That being said, you probably need a different therapist, at least for help with ADHD.
As someone with ADHD, there is a line where a ‘trait’ becomes detrimental. If it’s keeping you from doing your best, or from holding down a good job, it’s not a trait you should just live with. That’s the line where a trait becomes a symptom of illness, that should be treated.
He sounds like he literally doesn’t have the ability to give you the treatment you need. At that point he should refer you to someone that can, not just make excuses.
You need real treatment, which will require medication. You can’t just therapy your way out of a disability, which is what ADHD is classified as
Thank you. I had my suspicions that he just didn’t know how to work with it, but he was a doctor, and I wasn’t, so I doubted it
One of the greatest lessons I learned in life, which actually took me decades, is to realize that not all doctors are a good at their jobs. In fact, in my experience, most of them are not. Once you realize that, and start doing some research, and start questioning what they’re telling you, and start thinking critically about what they’re telling you, you start to realize when it’s time to find a new doctor.
For mental health that means he’s a psychologist, or some other ‘ologist’, or therapist. You may need a psychiatrist, which can actually prescribe meditation.
I usually prefer a psychologist who works with, or under a psychiatrist, in the same office. Then the transition becomes more seamless
People often need to try multiple doctors before one clicks and their ability to help aligns with what you need.
Clearly this therapist cannot help you with ADHD. I don’t think it’s a bad perspective that these are still traits and we do need to learn to live with them but I would still suggest a new one if possible.
Many of us need medication to adhere to modern society productivity requirements and that is literally not our fault.
I’m getting a lot of help from medication, but I have waaay too much anxiety to take a proper stimulant, so I take an SNRI instead which has the added benefit of not requiring jumping through a bunch of hoops every month to get (as you say, hard with ADHD). You do also need to understand that medication will NOT replace the need to learn coping mechanisms, but it may make it easier to do so. It probably is worth finding someone willing to use medication.
What he’s saying is as true as it is unhelpful
If he is saying ADHD is your trait, then you absolutely should learn to live with it because it’s not going away. Medication is one way of helping yourself live with it, but ADHD itself can’t really be treated the way depression can. It’s how your brain is hardwired. I recommend surrounding yourself with people who are similar to you or at least educated about it.
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Teaching self-acceptance is generally fine, but I feel like in this case, this is a cop-out and the person isn’t able to provide the help and support you require.
My related experience (trigger warning):
I’ve run into this issue myself with my adult autism diagnosis - providers refused to provide a diagnosis or provide me a pathway to receive an evaluation from somebody qualified to do so (the vast majority of providers do not have the expertise to diagnose autism in adults and I was never tested by them in any way). Even when I needed accommodations for college, they just sat silent, refused to address my concerns, and quickly changed subjects.
Turns out I do have autism, and they were just barriers to me accessing diagnosis and all the benefits that come with it. I likely have ADHD as well, but none of these providers gave a shit. They just focused on my anxiety and tried to reason me out of my state, focused on having me change my behaviors and reactions (mask even harder), gaslit me into accepting that I’m causing people to traumatize me and letting myself be traumatized, and so forth. I was already high-masking, but I desperately needed supports and they had nothing to offer. They acted as if my high-masking appearance was my baseline and the anxiety was the inhibitor - which caused me an immense amount of harm. They also refused to address my significant trauma history and PTSD.
Find someone else who is qualified in ADHD and don’t get fucked around like I did.
I understand. I was once refused a diagnosis of pneumonia because “people don’t breathe like that with pneumonia.” It turned out that I had pneumonia, and I spent a month in the hospital
Yeah, it’s pretty crazy what can happen.
Also related, as a young child, I had very severe breathing problems - but no wheezing. Turns out I have an atypical presentation of asthma (like cough-variant asthma or silent asthma) and I was nearly dying for over a year before the doctor referred me to an asthma and allergy specialist and admitted they couldn’t help me to my parents.
I get it, going through all that education, training, and practice is worthy of recognition, but the best doctor knows their limits and passes you along to someone who is equipped and specialized.
I think that it’s great that you posted here and I hope things get better for you!
Is he a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds, or just a therapist?
He is a therapist AND can prescribe medications. That’s how it works here
Then either he doesn’t know much about ADHD, or he isn’t qualified. Either way, he’s doing you a disservice with what he’s telling you.
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You know, I actively sought out an ADHD diagnosis (am now diagnosed) after my focus in college seemed to go into freefall.
But I’ve also found out that depression can cause people to have the same symptoms (with some even claiming that depression causes brain damage, which I try and avoid thinking about).
So I’m in a stage of wondering if I was just severely depressed, as it got worse the more that depressing things happened to me. I’m annoyed that the doctor I initially saw didn’t pry for that more
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In your case, by not even exploring the ADHD fully (with medication for instance) the therapist is not allowing you to fully explore these options and figure out which one it is. I do think that’s a bit negligent. Maybe he is waiting for your go-ahead or doesn’t want to involve other professionals (psychiatrists + pharmacists for instance)
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The zoning out thing def sounds like ADHD to me. If you forgive yourself for taking breaks and schedule in the time for them, you’ll be more productive. Zoning out like that would perhaps be considered a “little break” and that’s why it takes you longer to do tasks - but we just have to accept it will take us a bit longer to do many things.
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