This may be weird, but honestly I wish someone had just given me a copy of “she comes first” (a good book I still use today), and an Adam and Eve gift card. The last one I’ll give you one good reason: it’ll be a lot better if he’s fucking a toy than having sex as a teen. It’ll also make it a bit of a training experience, a lot of guys that age just want to know “what it’s like”.

Plenty of good advice in this thread.

I’m gonna shout out the boy version of the book “what’s happening to my body?”

https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557047650

It was super helpful to me in puberty, even with trusted male figures. It’s written from a non-judgemental, information focused space. It also let’s him has some way of privately seeking knowledge that isn’t just whatever he finds on the internet

There are books for children on this. Lots of them. Read a few and pick ones that fit your values. I suggest providing a few.

He is hearing information already. Much of it wrong.

Always knock before entering his room

I think one of the more important things you can get across to him is this:

Porn is fine, but it’s fiction. It’s no more real or realistic than the latest superhero blockbuster, and should be thought of that way. It’s entertainment, not education.

There are sex ed channels on Youtube. Good ones. Sexplanations is one, but there are also others. Seek those out.

I know this is going to be a very awkward conversation, but you have to understand this: he will be finding and watching porn, and most likely already is at 14. Don’t shame him for that. In any way. Let him know that you know, and that it’s normal, but that’s it important to think of it like it’s just the movies. Cos that’s what it is.

I never received any kind of talk from my parents. Also, in my home country, during the communist era and even after, sex ed in schools was taboo. Crazy thing too, since it had (and still has) one of the highest teen pregnancy numbers in Europe.

Anyway, I did not want that with my kids. Luckily where we live now there is a strong sex ed program in schools, but also at home, we were always open. We talk about sex casually, we reiterate “always ask for consent” and “no means no”, and my son even ratted out one of his school buddies who’s a Tate fan. He knew that what the guy was saying was wrong, so they don’t hang out anymore.

Also, sexuality. One of my daughters came out to us over dinner, so casually, “dad, I think I’m gay”. I just said “cool” and gave an awkward fist bump.

Just be open, casual, don’t make things weird.

I think the two big things I have to add are:

1. Don’t let the church educate your son on these things.

2. Don’t say nothing.

If you’re unsure about talking to them about these things yourself, seek out a man you trust, talk to them about it and make sure your values align, and then talk to your son about them together.

John and Hank Green’s CrashCoarse is about to release a new sex ed series. I watched their whole computers series and thought it was fantastic.

When I was 14 my dad came into my room right before the homecoming dance and handed me a bunch of condoms. That was about all of the talk I got. That said, I was 19 when my first kid was born… but that is a whole different issue.

Vocally theres gonna be cracks as it deepens. It sucks, nothing to be done.

There will be at least one wet dream if not more, Hydrogen peroxide soak, then wash with OxiClean should rock those stains as both are recommended for ‘protein’. Wash cold.

Erections at random times will 100% happen. It’s expected.

Acne will happen, body is a wreck of hormones. Use a new pillowcase nightly, do skincare, should largely be fine. If it gets wild prescription stuff might be needed.

Thats all the big puberty stuff really, short of whether the quarterback or head cheerleader makes his pp into the big pp but thats a whole other discussion.

If he suddenly really wants to do his laundry one morning, don’t ask questions. (Wet dreams and embarassment being the context here.)

That’s about all I can think of that’s gendered, really.

I was ~9 when I got the talk from my Dad, and it was basic stuff about just the mechanics. It set things up so that, around 13, I went to him with questions about how I was feeling re: puberty. So even now it’ll be helpful to do the talk and show that you’re available as a resource.

In your case, your son likely has some idea from internet pornography and whatever he got in school, but it would still be helpful to go through the basics with him. I’d frame it as “I’m sure you know most of this, but i just want to make sure you know what’s important.” It might also be helpful to make clear that pornography is as much acting as TV is - don’t set his expectations on it, it’s people faking things for money.

Going over the importance of condom use also helpful at his age. Keep in mind, it’s not necessarily about what he’s going to use right away, but making sure he knows when he does need to know.

Then, I’d just be there for him and ask if he has any questions, and answer them frankly. Tell him he can come back later if he’s unsure.

It’s awkward and tough I’m sure, but it’ll be a help not just now, but going forward. Good luck!

Here’s what I wish people had explained to me when I was approximately your son’s age and which should cover most of what he’s going through:

(I am assuming your son is heterosexual. If he is not, then you have to change this somewhat, but I can’t help you with that very much because I’m heterosexual myself.)

You probably noticed that for a few years now, when you look at or think of girls, your penis gets hard and much bigger; this is because you started puberty. That is called an erection and is a completely normal thing to happen; it’s your body telling you that it would like you to have sex with that girl. Erections will immediately go away when you ejaculate, which is a completely normal and very pleasurable thing to do. You can ejaculate without having sex with anyone by masturbating, that is, by rubbing your penis against your hands or some other object. It helps to think of beautiful girls when doing that. I have no problem at all with you doing this and you will never get in trouble for doing it or asking anyone any questions about it, but I insist that you do it when no one is watching, preferably in your own room.

Honestly, the majority of key points to talk about can be found online from respectable sources (for example, this article from Johns Hopkins, though there are many others). There is a better than even chance he has shady looked up the “Is this normal” stuff himself if he has normal internet access.

From a social standpoint it’s going to be different for everyone, teenage years are hard and kids are often cruel. I’d advise to just be there for him on this front, but don’t be pushy. He is going to be moody, lash out sometimes, and act differently. That is all normal. He is going to want to push boundaries and get in trouble (rather do things that will get him in trouble, most folks don’t actually want to get in trouble). Give him safe room to explore who he is and to try new things without letting him fall down too hard.

Lastly, you say there are no trusted male figures in your life, but that doesn’t have to be family. Good friends can also fill that space. I have to imagine there is some guy in your life that could have heart to heart, even just with you to then talk to your son. It’s worth trying to broaden your expectation of what a trusted male figure is perhaps.

My parents didn’t really give me a talk, where I live we have pretty comprehensive sex education in school that starts at 8/9 and finishes around 14/15.

At 13, maybe he’s already been given some kind of education about his body (especially since he already shaves and has already probably had wet dreams and discovered masturbation). Do you know what he already knows?

Family isn’t going to work for you, but do you have male friends or work colleagues you trust enough to ask for advice?