I don’t know about every night but I know plenty of dudes who have a watering hole they go to weekly.
Yes, but bear in mind a lot of factory, construction, and industrial jobs are 7-3 or 8-4. So a working class laborer could go catch a happy hour with the coworkers or neighbors and be home by 5.
Also in the age of single income households men were often not expected to pull as much weight at home.
It depends on (sub)culture, but mainly yes.
Bars were often cheap too, so going to the bar multiple times per week was not expensive. The reason these bars were cheap:
- Outside of touristic areas ground is cheap.
- If the local government allows it, the bar can on the owners property.
- The owner and customers were often friends, so friend pricing would be standard.
- Health and safety regulations used to be less strict. Allowing for lower prices.
- The bar was open whenever the owner wanted, instead of on a fixed schedule, making it more easy to combine with a second job.
- Bars rarely had a menu, they just sold whatever they had in stock. Today customers would be upset if an item on the menu was not in stock.
Also,
- Parks used to be less safe and less well maintained, so buying drinks in the supermarket and consuming them in the park wasn’t really an option.
- The internet wasn’t a thing, so people who wanted to spend the evening gaming had to do so in the bar.
My uncle was a factory worker and a daily regular at his favorite local bar for more than 30 years.
My mom wouldn’t allow me to go inside the bar (because drinking alcohol is a sin, you know). But in the '80s and '90s, before cell phones, I knew exactly where to find him after school if I needed anything.
Unfortunately, 30+ years of excessive drinking caused a lot of really serious health problems that caught up to him when he was in his 50s. The owners and staff sent a huge flower arrangement and all came to his funeral.
A lot of bars would have tons of cash on Fridays and bartenders would cash paychecks. Customers would pay off the tab and start a new one. Idk how common it is anymore. Most jobs I’ve had for a while will give a paper check if they have to, but discourage it as much as possible.
It used to be a place for the working stiffs to gather and was priced accordingly. Nowadays capitalization has been overused to the point where a lot of businesses are pricing themselves out of customers.
Before the pandemic, I was watching Drag Race at the gay bar and a not-so-gay bar, so yes.
At the same time?!? Were the bars across the street from each other and you had two different friend groups in both, so you had to make up excuses, change your outfit, and run over to the other bar all night?! That sounds like an exciting time!
Oh, these were separate events. One full season of All Stars was hosted at a regular bar by professional organizers from the community (downtime between Prides, amirite) and there were special events at the gay bar for the season finale and our local version, La Más Draga.
I watched a documentary about “bar culture” in the 60es and 70es where i live. Shit was pretty wild. Dudes talked about going to the bar like people talk about video games these days. “Oh yeah, on a good week i’m here 40 to 48 hours” what doesn your wife think about it? “She’s not excited, but you know…”
I saw an old video about when they made it illegal to drink and drive and dudes are like “they’re taking away my freedom! It’s my business if I wanna go to the bar and grab a couple beers after work before heading home! Im not hurting anyone!” It’s crazy how casual getting nightly drunk and driving home was in those days
I don’t think it’s crazy at all. The US in particular still has basically no real mass transit and bars everywhere. Everyone knows there is still drinking and driving going on. Certainly not all those people are calling ubers.
Edit- crazy to believe. Certainly is crazy to do.
Im sure there are plenty of towns in rural America that still follow the “boys will be boys/go home and sleep it off” mentality with drunk driving and good ole boy crime in general
Five and drive, baby
Some of the older old dudes I’ve worked with used to. I actually convinced one of the avocado toast whiners he was wrong based on bar cost now and back in his day
Yes, and it’s still pretty common.
Umm, I’m in my 40s and I do… 😬
Granted it isn’t like Cheers, I just need the change of scenery since I work from home 10-20 hours a day.
20 hours a day? Bro…
I work from home 10-20 hours a day.
That’s fair. Drinking at one’s workplace is usually frowned upon.
usually, upper management go for their hour and a half long lunches and come back blitzed is not uncommon, at least in the workplaces I’ve been.
Yeah, I used to finish work, walk down to my local pub, have dinner and a few drinks then go home to bed, good meals, good people to talk to, I kinda miss it but I don’t drink anymore.
I’m an outlier because I live in a walkable neighborhood in a city. But I have 10 breweries within walking distance around my house. I know the owners by name for 2 of these breweries and the bartenders know me for 4 of them. I think they all know my dog.
I usually go with my wife and/or girlfriend about 2-4 days a week, but it’s still very much a hang out.
We’re also Friday regulars to a semi-close bar every Friday because I won a free beer/week for a year in a $25 raffle!
I usually go with my wife and/or girlfriend
Ok, sorry. I just wanted to post that finally. Also, I was remembering that one clip that always gets put in compilations about that guy and his wife and her bf. Anyway, carry on.
Being polyam in Seattle is great. All of my coworkers know I’m poly and just accept it. All the bartenders know too. Makes it easy for them to start the tab.
You have a wife and a girlfriend AND you can afford to go to a bar every night? Must be nice to be in the 1%! 😉
If they all have jobs, they can split fixed costs liking housing or a shared car across 3 people instead of 2. Or more - the OC only mentioned a wide and gf, but there could be more people in the polycule.
Tech jobs in Seattle go crazy! We make ends meet since we all have some kinda job. Not too crazy since we’re still renting. But eventually we want to be permanent in. Seattle!
You want to Settle in Seattle? 😸
With a wife and an and/or-girlfriend I don’t think he’s settling at all…!
😹 It’s such a great city. I love everything about it!
Still is common, most bars have their regulars
Yep, been a while since worked at a place like that, but there was definitely a crowed that would be there most days. This was mid 2000’s. Partly dried up when smoking indoors was banned, I think that was the last straw for a big part of the culture that was already drying up.
Yeah. Few times a week I go to mine to chat with all the locals over two or three beers then head home. It’s a nice way to wind down, be out, and socialise at a really low intensity. No organising is needed, just arrive and there’ll be someone there you know.
That was kind of the point of pubs (public house). A place for the community to meet up in any weather and have a good time together whether games, sharing stories, or having a meal. The smaller the town, the friendlier and more tight the patrons are too. Also great places to frequent when travelling, meeting new locals, getting great travel advice, making friends for the few days you’re there.
Idk how common it was but it’s a good example of a “third place”. A spot that isn’t work or home where you can meet and socialize
I wish we could have third places that don’t involve fucking up your body.
It used to be the Mall. It was always a place to hang out, meet friends, window shop, eat, see a movie, etc.
When I was a kid, the local mall even included the local library. I thought that was a great idea, but I never saw another mall with a library.
Public libraries are great third places. Larger ones often have classes, groups, and social clubs. And you’ll meet like-minded people just by becoming a regular.
Hacker/makerspace.Coffee/tea shops. Library. Community Center.
Even with NA (low/non-alcoholic) beverages, it’d be nice to have third places that don’t come with an obligation to spend money.
To be clear, I’m not asking for places that ban spending money, but there are third places like parks (eg NYC Central Park) that are destinations in their own right, but one can also spend money there, such as buying stuff and having a picnic on the grass, or bringing board games and meeting up with friends. Or strolling the grounds astride rental e-bikes. Or free yoga.
Where there’s an open space, people make use of it. But we don’t really have much of that in the USA, that isn’t tied up as a parking lot, an open-space preserve (where people shouldn’t tred upon to protect wildlife), or are beyond reasonable distances (eg BLM land in the middle of Nevada).
Parks and libraries are really nice. Most other third places seem to want you to spend money, that’s my experience here in northern Europe anyway.
Also, in places with significant winters (including Northern Europe) parks aren’t an option in winter.
Northern Europe seems like the kind of place that would realize this is a problem and invent some kind of community building which was open in the winter and had a shared kitchen, a stock of board games, a court for indoor sports, etc. That’s certainly not going to happen in the US.
You mean like the YMCA?
Well, definitely not a Christian association.
Nothing religious about the Y anymore. For many years
Everywhere I’ve lived in the US has had plenty of public parks. As a teenager I’d hang out with my friends in them. Hell I’ve been to big community picnics at a park.
The thing is it’s easier to hang out online all the time and people aren’t looking to socialize at parks when there aren’t events.
I’d say the qualities of the average American park leaves much to be desired, when compared to NYC Central Park, San Diego’s Balboa Park, or SF’s Presidio.
In suburban areas, the municipal park tends to be a monoculture of grass plus maybe a playground, a parking lot, and if lucky, a usable bathroom. Regional parks are often nicer, with amenities like pickleball courts or a BMX park, though asking for benches (not rocks or concrete verges, but actually bench seats) and shade might be a stretch.
My point is that the USA has fewer parks and public squares than it ought to. I don’t mean just a place to go jogging or to push a stroller along, but a proper third space where people actively spend time and create value at. Where street vendors congregate because that’s also where people congregate. A place that people – voluntarily, not by necessity, eg a train station but not to catch a train – would like to be. A destination in its own right, where even tourists will drop by and take in the air, the sights, and the social interactions.
Meanwhile, some parts of the USA actively sabotage their parks, replacing normal park furniture with versions that are actively hostile to homeless people, while alienating anyone that just wants an armrest as they sit down. Other municipalities spend their Parks & Rec funds on the bare minimum of parks, lots that are impractically tiny. Why? Because a public park can be used to exclude registered sex offenders from a neighborhood, leading to the ludicrous situation where whole cities are an exclusion zone. Regardless of one’s position on how to punish sex offenses, the denial of housing and basic existence is, at best, counterproductive.
So I reiterate: the USA might have a good quantity of parks, but not exactly good quality of parks. People will socialize online unless they are given actual options to socialize elsewhere. And IRL options would build value locally, whereas online communities only accrue to the benefit of the platforms (eg Facebook, WhatsApp) they run on.
Church
We need church without religion
Depending on the community near you, Unitarian Universalists sometimes have basically that. I’ve been an atheist since I was four, but I have no problem with other people being religious and it was perfect for me. If you’re the type to be annoyed by people talking about the universe in a way that suggests the supernatural, you might not want to deal with even the UU’s very mild language. When I went as a kid, we learned about volcanoes in Sunday School, as a gauge for how religious they are.
Or if you want evil church without religion, can I interest you in crossfit?
That’s like a car without wheels
We have those. They’re called boats.
That’s not a car
I jokingly asked my wife if she’d go to basically church but reading from Marx instead and despite neither of us being marxists it actually sounded like something we’d go to
But also seriously look into if you have a local community center or library and what events they host. Stuff like that often struggles to find attendees
I do think there’s a special thing about church that is this bigger than yourself experience that you share with your community that just isn’t quite replicated in events like art clubs or whatever, volunteering is probably closer
It’s the fact that church comes with an actual presupposition that it isn’t optional, while de facto being optional.
Going to church (in contexts where denomination shopping isn’t a thing at least) means going to a place where a person is not there to validate your particular perspective but instead often to tell you and everyone else in the group to do better, publicly, not because they’re better but because they appeal to higher principles whose correctness is taken for granted buly the congregation.
See also: the absolute brain lottery winners on the internet bitching that the pope isn’t a real catholic for telling them they’re bad catholics (arguably bad christians in general, definitely bad people) for dehumanising poor people and immigrants legal and illegal.
I’m far from a catholic (that is, I’m actually a lapsed catholic if you ask the church, but I was never a believer, just born into it) but there just isn’t a space where you’re going to participate, respect the ethics and morals, still fall short of them, be chastised, and be forgiven, that doesn’t involve some religious aspect.
There are several non religious ethical groups to spend time with.
I tried to get you links but I ran out of time before having to do other responsibilities.
People downvote, but you’re not wrong and it’s probably the most common example in rural areas
It’s just an example- I’m not saying it’s the only alternative. Although the declining church attendance possibly causes people to seek third places (although I believe the declining church attendance is that it’s more socially acceptable to be a non believer these days. Would rather if someone come to Church that they’d be at least open to believing)
Even if you find one where there isn’t an emphasis on tithes or donation, that’s not exactly a space set up for public socializing. It’s a private space, used by a dedicated and defined group, for socializing within that group. Outsiders may be welcome, but they’re only welcome within that structure.
Depends, lots of churches welcome lay members of the community to the ancillary activities they organise. Catholic churches in my experience are much more embedded in their communities in southern europe regardless of the status of the people participating.
My father has been lapsed for 40+ years, never shows up for church and doesn’t participate in any of the religious aspects but he still runs free arts and crafts workshops in the parish buildings, for the local kids whether they’re part of the congregation or not.
Aye, was just an example.
Okay, it was a bad one.
Okay then. Forest heroin den.
Honestly I’m cool with fucking up my body to have a good time, I just wish it didn’t cost me $200 for the privelege.
Check your library. They do all kinds of activities.
I should tbh
For the non religious, that’s where clubs like the Shriners, or Lions come in. Social clubs that don’t revolve entirely around alcohol
Your local gym? CrossFit box? Football/soccer club? Community centre? Library? Outdoor? Scouts?
Community center and library sure, I wouldn’t really consider the rest a third space.
Depending on the gym, some are a lot more third-spacey than others. I’ve been to a smaller gym where people just hang around after their workouts to socialize, with occasional impromptu dinner outings when the gym closed for the night. I miss that place. You still meet people at bigger commercial gyms, but it’s not the same.
May I introduce you to your lord and savior Jesus Christ? He’s got a third place for you.
N o
😂
On the reals, I have an atheist friend who started volunteering at a church literally for this reason. I totally understood where he was coming from. If I didn’t have a family and wanted a way to spend time with other people, I’d probably do the same.
Yeah I mean I have family who’ve worked at them before, I get it but I can’t support something I feel causes so much harm
I’ve never heard of a concept of a third place. Seems like everybody should have one.
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